New Beginnings

I took a brief hiatus from my blog due to the fact that I have been under a lot of stress lately. However, writing my thoughts down helps me to vent and feel liberated, so I am going to document what has been consuming my mind over the past few weeks.

First of all, it is actually beginning to sink in that I have a month left of high school; then there’s no more Hartland, no more practicing for the real world, no more making mistakes and just simply learning from them. Starting this fall, it’s real life, and what I accomplish (or fail to accomplish) over the next four years will pave the way for (or hinder) my success in life.

This concept has caused me to reevaluate the aspects of my life which have been causing me to feel the most unsettled. I want to leave this chapter in my life behind feeling accomplished and fulfilled, not feeling as though I have unfinished business or baggage that is burdening me. In my eyes, the best way to eliminate the most pressing issues in your life is to simply find the root and tear it out of the ground once and for all.

Without getting too personal, I’ve felt for a long time that a certain part of my life has been holding me back from enjoying all of the benefits which I had hoped to create for myself in this stage of my life. Yesterday, I had an epiphany on this subject. I realized that I had been masking these feelings which have plagued me for a while now, and I needed a change. 10 minutes after making this decision, I made a single phone call, and the conscious effort in working towards a new phase of my life had begun.

This prompted me to consider other areas of my life that were bothering me. Recently, along with the aching thought of such a concrete part of my life being unsatisfactory to me, my mind has also felt strangely clouded and unorganized. After taking time to sort out these thoughts, I came to the conclusion that the first step towards a more clear train of thought was decluttering my physical habitat: my room.

Now, if you know me, you know that my room is almost always spotless. Everything is tucked away in its own drawer or on a hanger in my closet. However, the contents of those drawers and my closet… that is a different beast. My pants are always haphazardly thrown into their drawer in the bottom of my dresser, and I will admit, it’s not a cute look. For me, this is the thing that is always gnawing at the back of my psyche, yet I fail miserably at addressing it and continue to suppress the issue until it is way out of control, causing me to fall into an unhealthy routine.

I reorganized everything. This may sound like an exaggeration, as one would think that simply rearranging clothes can only do so much for a person, but I feel ten times better now. One moment that brought about some nostalgia for me was diving headfirst into the abyss that is my bottom left dresser drawer. I emptied the contents which consisted of all of my t shirts from high school swim meets, DECA conferences, and everything in between. Clearing out all of my memorabilia, I transferred them to my “memories drawer” under my bed, because that is what they are now: memories.

I can’t help but realize how symbolic this cleansing was for me. If you see me on any given day, on the outside, I am smiling. One of the first things a person typically notices about me is that I ALWAYS have energy. When asked if I am a morning or a night person, I simply say, “yes”, because I am both. I’m the girl that can get 2 hours of sleep and be just as charged the following day as when I get a truly adequate amount of sleep. This exterior is similar to my room at first glance: put together, clean, seemingly balanced and functioning well. However, when the stressors in my life are confronted openly and are brought to the surface, it is apparent that not everything is perfect and tidy as it appears on the outside, mirroring my poorly organized dresser drawers.

The moral of this extremely anticlimactic story is that sometimes it can do you some good to de-clutter your mind by beginning with your physical surroundings. Reevaluating the primary stressors that exist in your life is the most important way to start fresh, but reorganizing and getting rid of tangible items is also extremely important.

Thank you for reading,

Ava Jean :)