Plastic Boxes of My Past

And just like that, high school is over. All of the memories I’ve made, the lessons I’ve learned, the things I’ve accomplished in this phase of my life are all behind me. I didn’t think it would feel like this- so… empty. I don’t mean empty in a bad way per say, more like just stuck in limbo; in an in-between, odd transitional period of my life. What defines me now? Is it my past and everything I’ve done up until this point? Or is it my future, full of endless potential and opportunities.

The concept that has surprised me the most about these past few months has been how anticlimactic it’s been, the end of high school. In a sense, this sort of sums up what the past 4 years have been: just almost fulfilling, but falling short by just a bit. I’ve felt that reaching my full potential has not been an option for me and in order to do so, I have to branch out. Being surrounded by closed-minded people can only get you so far in life.

Am I bitter towards Hartland for making me feel this way? Not in the slightest. I believe this is a normal feeling for people in my situation and that I must simply make my dreams a reality in a new environment that fosters my logic and perception in a way that better reflects my core beliefs and who I intend to become.

In fact, I am grateful for this town for challenging me and giving me platforms to speak out for that in which I believe, even when it was controversial and contrasting with the social norms of this area. I feel enriched by the fact that I was able to live somewhere where the majority bears a perspective so different from my own, as it has opened my eyes to the realization that not all people think the way I do, and considering other viewpoints is crucial to a functioning society ( which not many people agree with unfortunately). I also am confident in the fact that I have become more sure of myself after being ridiculed for my political beliefs because conforming to the majority would have been much easier- but I refused.

I walk out of my room and see my entire life up to today packed away into boxes. High school swimming in one, DECA in another, childhood things in a third. These important aspects of my life are no more than just a bunch of memories; all of them compacted into a tote and about to be stored away in my basement. Maybe one day when I’m older I’ll open them up and relive this chapter of my life. Maybe one day when I’ve made new memories, I’ll reflect on the parts of my life which shaped me into who I will be on that day. Maybe one day, I’ll be able to look back and say, “I made it”, actually, forget the “maybe”…

These boxes encapsule who I am in this very moment. As I move forward into the real world, I will carry with me all of these things that will be stored in these plastic bins, because the lessons and realizations which these parts of my life have brought me cannot be contained within a 29x18x13 inch box.

What’s even more unbelievable is the fact that in two months, even more of my life will be packed into boxes. But in this case, I will literally be carrying the tangible items with me into the next part of my life. Standing in Target buying dorm room necessities yesterday felt surreal. College was always so far away, so untouchable, as if it was in another lifetime. In a way it still feels like this; sometimes I wonder if moving two hours away will change me, if I’ll still resemble the outspoken, ambitious woman that I’ve become as a result of this small town after my personality evolves over the next 4 years. When I catch my mind jumping to these conclusions I remind myself that I will simply become a better version of who I already am; a “me” with more knowledge, more responsibility, more life experience, and continued growth.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

-Ava Jean :)